Glorious Ruins

Even with all my wandering I don’t want to walk this life without you Lord. You unearthed the burdens in my heart and renew my spirit with all that is yours.  You lead me on and on when am tired, depleted on the verge of giving up. I am not a perfect Christian nor am I humble enough in your presence, but your grace cover me.  Lord be all that I need in Jesus name. Amen xxxxx

Appreciation "Light Up"

Throwing a prayer to the universe and all things created for our good. Lighting up the world with God's love and mercy as I offer this prayer to that which is higher than me. Ancient of days, thank you for filling me up with love, sustaining me with grace, strength and hope in you.
Balancing my emotions whenever it stirs in conflict with sin and ugliness of this earth. It is not taken for granted as always that you know best, for you formed me in my mothers womb, called me by name before I was conceived and filled my soul with love and longing for you constantly as I grew up. I may have strayed, but your grace pulled me back into the realms of your kingdom, spirit filled and soul inspired by the path you have laid down for me to follow.
You nudge me with encouragement and empower my heart to go on, even with the heartbreak, hurt, rejection and pain it's been through. Times I have cried out in anguish and pain, fearing it will never stop, I know you watched me, because I came through it and the heart I thought was broken  is still breathing, ready to love and conquer again and again. Thank you Abba, I could never ever imagine doing life without you again, you are my rescuer, sustainer, joy and shining light.
Your love over flows within my heart and fills my spirit and I have watched it transform and lighten up my countenance to the people I do life with everyday.  This soul is forever in debt to the freedom you have given it, and when the mighty storms of life bruises and passes through, I stand confidently still in you. When the shadows of darkness hovers, I call out to the beginning of existence "Let there be Light" and when the ground upon which I stand hurts, I find strength in looking to the skies above and know I am not alone.

Sincerity & Power - Part 3 (Hope & a Future)

Dear Child, listen “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future….” Jeremiah 29:11
Boom boom boom…………I stumbled upon this scripture this morning and it felt like I was reading an imprint of God’s word that has always been written in my heart. In context, Jeremiah letter was written and speaking to the surviving elders among the exiles, priests, prophets and all the other people Nebuchadnezzar had carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon.
This scripture was written to a group of people in a time of exile, anxiety, fear, loneliness, etc………..Personally for me, in this month of seeking sincerity and power to overcome and dwell in the goodness of his mercy, I sometime feel like I am in exile and this word reminded me that I am not.
“For I know...” When God tells you he knows, he truly knows, “…the plans I have for you”
God’s plans no matter how shocking and different it might look, is not designed to hurt me or leave me in pain, it is a good thing when he is the one looking after me and making the plans “….plans to give you hope and a future”. Because He does not set out to give me the expectation of my fears (p.s I am still human), but the promises he has always spoken off concerning me.

Beautiful, Beloved, Believed In.

Sincerity & Power

Hey new month of September....Seeking Sincerity & Power
Firstly, I must say in the lead up to the new month I have been very absent and dealing with life in the only way I know and somehow neglected to pray for myself. All of a sudden I am depleted and hungry for the voice of God to lead me through this season of exhaustion, fear, anxiety, worry and frustration.

In serving other in prayers, looking after the needs of family and friends that lean on me for support, serving in church at every opportunity, I have failed to pray for my needs and want. I find it so easy to pray for other peoples needs, but when it comes to mine, it is seems so difficult, complex and very messy, that I don't know where to start. So I only turn to God as they arise, instead of nurturing all areas of my life for spiritual growth, prosperity, success, favour and enlightenment.

In my heart as I struggled with speaking to God regarding all things concerning me, he placed two words within me  'Sincerity & Power'. Pray for sincerity so that you stop wandering off on your own and hear me, focus on what I have placed in your heart !!!! Pray for Power to overcome every obstacles and challenges, the negative emotions you are building up inside, power to recognise that I am for you and will always turn up.
Stop running around in circles, keep focused on me, don't go alone with my saying, wait at my feet!!!


After pondering on this, I though what does God mean by sincerity, is that like telling me that I am not true or acting right? The definition astounded me and here it is 'Sincerity is the virtue of one who speaks and acts truly about his or her own feelings, thoughts, and desires. The most profound meaning I found was 'In heart of heart', the first heart in this expression means ‘core’ and the second heart means ‘seat of feeling, understanding, and thought.’ Then I got it, seek my core and heart for you Keke, be strengthen by my power through prayer. *Selah*

So in this month of seeking sincerity in feeling, thoughts and understanding, I am saying no to fear, anxiety, stress and worry and claiming the power to receive the promises of the kingdom with joy, love, peace, light  and defining clarity in Jesus name. Amen

Healer God

O' Lord my healer, hear my prayers and guide me in the areas of my life that needs your touch. Search my heart and expose the weakness I harbour. Show me my strength for the times I feel like I am falling short of your glory. As you surround me with your grace & mercy. Forgive  my sins and iniquity. As I look up to you in faith, shield me from the sting of ancestry curse & rescue me from the claws of my enemy. Do not forsake me Lord. Your patience with me, I do not take for granted. With love, you have healed & given my heart a resting place. Sustained by love, comforted with inner peace & confidence. Healer of my troubled soul. I rest in You.......
As always, Beautiful, Beloved, Believed In.

Dear Abba,

Is it possible to feel this much joy and feeling of appreciation that is cruising through my spirit today. Well my answer is yes!! It is overwhelmingly powerful and energizing  that I am on the verge of tears to my Father. Every time I have felt this way, I have come to recognize it as a prompting to pray and  a window of opportunity to be still & speak to Abba.

But today I am not making it about me, rather I am believing for the people of my world. I pray in Jesus name that they experience the Grace of God, His Mercy, out-pour of Love & develop an intimate relationship with Him. When life knocks them hard, they know that God is available & on hand.

For somebody today, God is waiting, He sees you, He knows you, He understand the deepest desires of your heart, He knows that thing that bothers & weights your spirit down. You qualify to be seen in His presence, please He is asking you to bring your request to Him. Abba wants you to know that you can lean on Him as much as you can, He doesn't get tired of you or your worries, just keep coming back.

Many times, He is right in front of us and we look past him because you & I don't trust Him enough to handle what we carry within. *sigh* If you know what I am receiving and learning from my journey with him, then you will get this. I am hurting for you, I mean could you imagine Our Lord's pain when we constantly reject Him over and over again, He died for You to have life, for You to approach the Father and enjoy the companionship of the Holy Spirit!!!

Lord, I pray for the people of my world today, for the people I am connected too, doing life with to encounter & receive your message in Jesus Name. Be our bread of life, living water that never runs dry and supplement our needs in this life with all of You.

Beautiful, Beloved, Believed In.........

A Psalm of David........

¹ O Lord, I give my life to you.
²     I trust in you, my God!
Do not let me be disgraced,
    or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat.
³ No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced,
    but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others.

⁴ Show me the right path, O Lord;
    point out the road for me to follow.
⁵ Lead me by your truth and teach me,
    for you are the God who saves me.
    All day long I put my hope in you.
⁶ Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love,
    which you have shown from long ages past.
⁷ Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth.
    Remember me in the light of your unfailing love,
    for you are merciful, O Lord.

⁸ The Lord is good and does what is right;
    he shows the proper path to those who go astray.
⁹ He leads the humble in doing right,
    teaching them his way.
¹⁰ The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness
    all who keep his covenant and obey his demands.

¹¹ For the honor of your name, O Lord,
    forgive my many, many sins.
¹² Who are those who fear the Lord?
    He will show them the path they should choose.
¹³ They will live in prosperity,
    and their children will inherit the land.
¹⁴ The Lord is a friend to those who fear him.
    He teaches them his covenant.
¹⁵ My eyes are always on the Lord,
    for he rescues me from the traps of my enemies.

¹⁶ Turn to me and have mercy,
    for I am alone and in deep distress.
¹⁷ My problems go from bad to worse.
    Oh, save me from them all!
¹⁸ Feel my pain and see my trouble.
    Forgive all my sins.
¹⁹ See how many enemies I have
    and how viciously they hate me!
²⁰ Protect me! Rescue my life from them!
    Do not let me be disgraced, for in you I take refuge.
²¹ May integrity and honesty protect me,
    for I put my hope in you.

²² O God, ransom Israel
    from all its troubles.

The life I get from reading this Psalm is contagious, it literally transforms the way I pray to God about my troubles and woes in life. Some days, I sit in silence and let my heart sing and cry  out to God in surrender like David. Our conversations are getting longer, late nights, early mornings, coffee breaks, everywhere I go, a little piece of His Word is with me.

Lay it at my Feet. Beautiful Beloved Believed In.

This was the most amazing weekend I have experienced thus far and it should only get better. Started from spending Friday with the girls, a well deserve picnic in Island Gardens enjoying what was left of the weather, laughs ,drinks and chattering. What I loved most about the day was been able to confide & express everything I was feeling to this blessed women, we spoke of dreams, desires, God and the future we hope to continue to share.                                  

This Saturday, I was super determined to relax all day and spend the evening in church which was a first for me. I knew my Powerhouse age group gathered monthly to worship and praise, but I never thought it was for me because I cherish my Saturday, the only day I could do whatever it is I wanted…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Strangely, I felt God pulling me towards this day in His Majestic Presence. As I stepped in, I felt this amazing light and the emotions that engulfed  my soul was  so jaw-dropping, that this post could never come close to putting it  into words.                                                                        

I felt God more intimately than ever. He was speaking to me “Keke give it to me, lay it at my feet, I am yours and you are mine” When the youth pastor said to think very carefully about what ever represented weakness in our lives, burdens that we have refused to trust God with. Instantly I knew what it was………….I am angry, very angry at a lot of things, but most especially, angry that I am not good enough, with a longing to constantly attack God on why He didn’t pick me up early in life, where was He when I was that lonely child that poured out her heart to the world on paper, confused and sad.                                  

In my time of depression, heartache and therapy sessions, where was He, what was He doing, was he so unconcerned about me that He left me upon creation and only started His work in my state of brokenness. Because of this, I have experienced, depression, low self-confidence and withdrawal from people because I could not handle the relationships, and it has kept me quiet and silent for too long. Although, I have been dealing with my weakness and desperately trying, I wasn’t done, there are some issues that I feel that are so personal, that I wouldn’t trust Him to handle it. I have been sacred to put all my Hope, I acknowledge that I do place my Hope in HIM, but damn, there are something’s that I believe I can handle myself.                                                                                                                                          

At this point, I am letting out a big sigh, because this weekend, I was given another chance to trust God further, placing my hope in Him, laying it all at  His feet. Then something beautiful happened, the girl next to me I couldn't help but notice was crying, shivering and shaking, earlier she had ask me to move up a seat, introduced herself, but candidly I wasn’t listening that much. Suddenly, I felt a prompting to give her a hug, she clung to me so tightly that I didn’t release my hold until she was ready. But the tears were still flowing, and I felt God nudge me to lay hands on her and we prayed. I threw every prayer I could at her, the emotions was so overwhelming that I didn't know realise I was also shaking and crying until I tasted my tears.  It was like an out of the world experience, that evening something deep resonated within my soul like never before. As the service was coming to end, I quietly slipped out of church, ready for my dinner date with a long-time friend and my world felt alright.                                                                                                                   

Equally Sunday wasn’t just another day in London enjoying the lovely weather, it was a God amazing day, serving with my lovely team and staying planted in Christ as my pastor preached about HOPE, exactly what I needed to wrap up a very special weekend.   

PRAYER FOR YOU

To whoever is reading this right now, my Prayer for You as the week goes on, is to flourish in your faith. I dare you to hope, believe and receive God’s love as I have done. Don’t reject the Grace He gives, I pray for strength for you to lay everything at His feet what come may and enjoy the season He has placed you in for now. In the words of Robert Madu (a sermon he preached),"every season has it beauty and it burden, but most of all, it prepares you for what is coming". Our God is a clever One, spring is the transition between the cold winter months and summer.  In the winter, we look forward to the joys summer and at the heights of summer, we appreciate winter, then just to prepare us for another season, autumn creeps in.

You are Beautiful, Beloved & Believed In. Whatever that is holding you back, let it go!!!

 

I sat in bed and said a simple prayer

June 6th 2014, Take my life Lord and use it in whatever way, choose me to be your vessel.

I had a very disturbing dream today. I woke up and am like what? The first verse that I found was  in Ephesians 6:11-12 "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places."

Lord, my place is in your heavenly Throne of Grace, serving you in spirit & truth.
This soul does not take it for granted that You know best. In Jesus Name. 

Amen.

Day 3 Mercy

I am so overwhelmed and thank God for his Mercy and Grace. The way is it following me around and showing me things, the understanding as well is awesome. I really can't imagine any other life without You Lord.  
Today all I ask is for your mercy John14:14 " you may ask for anything in my name and I will do it” Dear Lord, I seek your everlasting mercy for myself and my family especially my mum to meet our needs and for your grace to reach the deepest corners of our hearts.   Signed sealed and delivered in Jesus name. 


Amen  
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Today is Day 2

I have been crying a lot lately, it been weeks of this agonising pain in my heart, filled with dashed hopes and aspiration. It hasn’t been one thing, which I can confidently point to as the reason for this emotional roller coaster. My family life, personal relationship, career and commitment to life are what I am struggling with at the moment. I have spoken to God, but my heart is still weary as ever, I long for the days when I would pray and pray till I was parched, nowadays it is just a murmur, delayed whispers, incoherent thoughts and I even fall asleep speaking to God or I would forget what I am praying about. 

Although I made the conscious decision to start bible reading a few weeks ago, it has been good; but find it hard to focus in the evenings with my family around and often get disturbed in the room, fall asleep if I tried to do it before bed. So leaving the house early in the morning to catch the empty train and read the word on my way to work has worked out better than I could ever imagine. Arriving at work 20 minutes also helps as I multi-task between coffee drinking session, tucking into a bite of cinnamon swirl pastry and reading  has been refreshing.

However, I am truly struggling with negative emotions and becoming easily affected by stuff that are happening around me especially with family life. One thing I know is that, confusion does not come from God and I have made a new commitment to resolve this once and for all.

So……….here it is; Pray. Yes I said pray. But this is a special prayer; actually it is a project I came across as I flicker on my IG page. It is called the #PrayerProject, a challenge that last for 30 days praying not for you but others, it could be a partner/spouse, a friend, a specific individual or stranger.

I am doing mine for my family, after the nightmare we have endured and the revelation we had this weekend. This is not a surprise to me at all, because for the first time in my life, I started praying for my mum last week at church, cause I strongly believe she needs it as her strength is what I have known in my family before I came to rely on Christ this much. But Ma is failing and I see her looking in all the wrong places for intercession from God, if only she could hear from God personally and rest in Him.

All of a sudden in the mist of my heartache, God is making so much sense. Pray for my mum and by extension of faith to all my siblings as well. It makes crazy sense to me as I write, because a fruit is only as good as the seed/tree it falls from. If you know anything off what we have been through, then you will see that I need this challenge like I need air to exist.

So for the next 30 days, journal prayer in writing to God, placing everything in Him as my pain and anguish is rooted in the craziness of my family life.  I have been holding on to a lot of things and I have come to realise that in order to let go of  everything, you know my childhoods sense of abandonment, rejection, hurt, disappointment, unaccomplished, un-cherished feeling and resentment towards my family . I have to do this, we need healing and I know God will listen