Tuesday, 25 November 2014

Weekly Musings - Thought Catalogue

24/11/2014 Musings: A collection of emotions, thoughts, feelings, imbalance, crying out for attention.
A friend I really care about lost his sister and I do not know how to be there, should I call more or send text messages and even if I did, what do I say?
I know it will be bad timing to share my experience as a means of showing that I understand enough to sympathise with his pain, because that would be to compare my loss to his. The best thing one can do is; be there to listen in silence and let them know you can be leaned on if they wish to talk, cry or just be with someone. Give them permission to call on you and be the one they can lean on. Kabisa!!!

If anything I am well versed dealing with multitudes of experiences; grieving, internal pain and sadness been top of the list. I know what it is like to grieve and cope with extreme loneliness and sadness; it builds and leaves a large imprint in your heart. This year alone and in the one before, I have dealt with so much emotional turmoil that have hardly spoken about, I almost considered therapy again and it taken strength that I didn't  know I had to continue with life. I have said so many prayers on my knees, lying face down in bed, squeezing so tight my nails were digging into the palm of my hands. One particular afternoon, I ran so hard I fell and just sat by the roadside with a lump in my throat wailing until a car pulled over and gave me a lift home.

My sister made a comment last night that made me look so stupid in my faith. I heard the truth in what she said and I covered it up with a shrug and pretence! She meant well, but it hurt me and I am disappointed I hadn't considered it before.

My mother would not stop buzzing about marriage & relationships.

A friend reached out to me last night and said lot things that made me sad. He is one of my feel good friends that can say anything to me without offence; we have a shared history and bond that has been difficult to break off despite the differences in our live styles.
I am still vulnerable!

I am going through my emails and job opportunities are flying in, so why am I sad? Because deep down, I know that I am been pulled in a direction that is not what I desire at all, I have made myself believe that it is good enough and I have non-committedly played it safe. As it dawns on me, my spirit is drawn to a sermon I heard a long time ago; "The baits" I can't articulate what I understand it to be, but I will say this, not all opportunities that comes your way are right for you, just like a fish slowly bits into the baits unaware of the danger before it’s too late, accepting anything less that you deserve might be detrimental to your journey.

Spirit of discernment where are you?
I am at a dilemma, if I stay, something in my spirit tells me, "I will never leave". The other says “if I leave, it will be rough for a while". It's now a question of latching on to my comfort zone or breaking free into the unknown.

And where is my Faith?
I worry that I am behind.
I worry that I am emotionally unstable.
I worry that I not ready.

I turn 25 on Friday. Is this mid-twenty crisis?
Am I projecting too much too soon? Is my mind taking over again? Is this the new challenges in figuring it out?

Or is this just silly thinking! Isn’t this the sort of things I should pray about for guidance?


  1. Oh the dilemmas we face as young people. What a crossroads to face when it comes to job opportunities. I hope you will choose wisely and that your choice aligns with who you are authentically. You sound much like me. Be well, and don't stop writing. :)

  2. Yes, that satisfaction is a priority. When the new year comes around, I hope you will be well on your way to living in that satisfaction. New year, new you. :)


You are welcome to share your comments and opinions or post a link to your blog if you are a blogger as well!
Email beautifulbelovedbelievedin@gmail.com
Beautiful Beloved Believed In xxx