Here I am, Here I am

Been listening to the new Hillsong United Album Empire especially 'Touch the Sky', I couldn't wait for the album release so I double tap the single on iTunes, I never purchase music online. I am old school, I like buying CD's, to touch and feel the edges of the cover, admire the artwork and read through the credits and google artists, song writers and the production team that often goes unnoticed. If they are good enough to produce such a beautiful thing,  I want to access their other works and be blessed with their gift to strum words together and create sound that tremble my soul. Atlas Peace!!!

Here I am, Here I am, has been the reoccurring theme in my heart this week since last Sunday after a powerful session in church and for a few moments I was lost in surrender to the voice that spoke with so much clarity. I have been suffering for a while now, because when I am not finding life in the word, I am miserable and completely lost.

I miss so many things, long for the miracle that is on it way to me. But at times, I feel faithless (but I have faith) when I am romanticising my dreams and vision in my heart, painting the unfinished dreams. Sometimes I pray for it, speak life into it and at other times, I quietly wish that the cup is taken from me because it is too much to bear and I do not feel strong enough to do it on my own. Then I remember, I am made strong in my weakness because Christ is with me, in that moment I pray so hard for forgiveness and beat myself up for waivering in my faith. *Laughs* oh dear devil, I see what you are doing, trying to bring me down but hey hey I am anchored in Christ.

Looking back on this week, the one before and the one before the one before, all the way back to 365 days ago. I have evolved and taken so many steps away and embraced my life now with grace, love and peace because I have been placed on this path for his glory. 366 days ago hurt like hell,  I was in an agony of shame and disbelieve at the reality that will be for the next few years. I didn't think we will be okay or I will ever be truly happy or hopeful again, but we are and I am because 'Here I am'

I ran and fell, ran, ran and ran until I went out of breathe, then fell to the ground and screamed like a banshee, deafen by my cries as people drove by across the streets from me. 

-May 29th 2014  

I have found my ministry in Christ. I pray, write and live for God. I am a warrior of light, the word my sword, growing stronger in Christ Jesus, getting prepped and ready for the calling I see.

I am free
I surrender to God's plan
I am no longer scared
I live for God
Here I am, Here I am
Sprit led and filled by grace

I write from a place of love.

Beautiful Beloved BelievedIn

Inspiration to be You

Inspiration, Inspiration, Inspiration.

I am stuck at the moment, I have a new found love for tripling every word like this, "inspiration , inspiration, inspiration" If only I took English literature serious in high school, perhaps I will have a word to describe it or a literary expression that makes me sound clever. I don't know but I do care, finding words to express my dragon's is painstaking.

So inspiration to be you, there is so much rumbling through my mind these days, seeking inspiration, playing with ideas in my head, most of which are fantastic anyway! Guess what thou? I am S.C.A.R.E.D, super super super scared of the greatness it can unleash and I wonder if I would get enough support and encouragement from my peoples, people's people's. I mean my greatest fan are young and that one year old that tags himself to my legs is still learning to talk and Le nephew is ten *screams...so young* who will support me!!!

Please stay with me. I am going somewhere with this post.

Pause*.........ALL THAT FEAR and I still didn't write the post I actually intended.

A message from the past to the future.

In your story, don't  forget to tell them this...

"That I know that I had to go back to connect the dots, dreams that I had envisioned as a child to impact and inspire my people with what I have acquired in my growth as a woman. It wasn't all about me, I did it for the little girl overweight with hopelessness, living in a privilege of wealth, waited on by strings of people who lived and depended on crumbs. The child that drew on paper, scribbling all over her note pad words that she didn't understand but who knew something wasn't right in her world. She wasn't the most clever, articulate, intelligent or smart girl if you met her, she was unrecognisable hiding her truth, they called her shy, quiet and went unnoticed as she  pretended to read."

Tell them........I heard the whispers, saw and understood, the wealth & affluence I was born into did not blind me to the marginalised, oppressed, socially excluded living amongst us, in my nakedness we weren't that different. I cut me up and I almost died as I bleed the same blood and felt pain like I have never before.

"Everything I have become, I have learnt from seeking, trying again and again as I made mistakes, I picked me up on the way, armed with the spirit of peace, love,and faith to fight through and emerge the queen of her destiny. I haven't lived yet, no  I haven't and I will not start living until you are equip to do the same and we will live together."

It is my hope that when this old bone grows weary and is unable to light up, I will have inspired you enough to carry this baton of strength."

(Snippets, snippets, Snippets.......unfinished)