Here I am, Here I am, has been the reoccurring theme in my heart this week since last Sunday after a powerful session in church and for a few moments I was lost in surrender to the voice that spoke with so much clarity. I have been suffering for a while now, because when I am not finding life in the word, I am miserable and completely lost.
I miss so many things, long for the miracle that is on it way to me. But at times, I feel faithless (but I have faith) when I am romanticising my dreams and vision in my heart, painting the unfinished dreams. Sometimes I pray for it, speak life into it and at other times, I quietly wish that the cup is taken from me because it is too much to bear and I do not feel strong enough to do it on my own. Then I remember, I am made strong in my weakness because Christ is with me, in that moment I pray so hard for forgiveness and beat myself up for waivering in my faith. *Laughs* oh dear devil, I see what you are doing, trying to bring me down but hey hey I am anchored in Christ.
Looking back on this week, the one before and the one before the one before, all the way back to 365 days ago. I have evolved and taken so many steps away and embraced my life now with grace, love and peace because I have been placed on this path for his glory. 366 days ago hurt like hell, I was in an agony of shame and disbelieve at the reality that will be for the next few years. I didn't think we will be okay or I will ever be truly happy or hopeful again, but we are and I am because 'Here I am'
I ran and fell, ran, ran and ran until I went out of breathe, then fell to the ground and screamed like a banshee, deafen by my cries as people drove by across the streets from me.
-May 29th 2014
I have found my ministry in Christ. I pray, write and live for God. I am a warrior of light, the word my sword, growing stronger in Christ Jesus, getting prepped and ready for the calling I see.
I am free
I surrender to God's plan
I am no longer scared
I live for God
Here I am, Here I am
Sprit led and filled by grace
I write from a place of love.
Beautiful Beloved BelievedIn