This was the most amazing weekend I have experienced thus far and it should only get better. Started from spending Friday with the girls, a well deserve picnic in Island Gardens enjoying what was left of the weather, laughs ,drinks and chattering. What I loved most about the day was been able to confide & express everything I was feeling to this blessed women, we spoke of dreams, desires, God and the future we hope to continue to share.
This Saturday, I was super determined to relax all day and spend the evening in church which was a first for me. I knew my Powerhouse age group gathered monthly to worship and praise, but I never thought it was for me because I cherish my Saturday, the only day I could do whatever it is I wanted…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Strangely, I felt God pulling me towards this day in His Majestic Presence. As I stepped in, I felt this amazing light and the emotions that engulfed my soul was so jaw-dropping, that this post could never come close to putting it into words.
I felt God more intimately than ever. He was speaking to me “Keke give it to me, lay it at my feet, I am yours and you are mine” When the youth pastor said to think very carefully about what ever represented weakness in our lives, burdens that we have refused to trust God with. Instantly I knew what it was………….I am angry, very angry at a lot of things, but most especially, angry that I am not good enough, with a longing to constantly attack God on why He didn’t pick me up early in life, where was He when I was that lonely child that poured out her heart to the world on paper, confused and sad.
In my time of depression, heartache and therapy sessions, where was He, what was He doing, was he so unconcerned about me that He left me upon creation and only started His work in my state of brokenness. Because of this, I have experienced, depression, low self-confidence and withdrawal from people because I could not handle the relationships, and it has kept me quiet and silent for too long. Although, I have been dealing with my weakness and desperately trying, I wasn’t done, there are some issues that I feel that are so personal, that I wouldn’t trust Him to handle it. I have been sacred to put all my Hope, I acknowledge that I do place my Hope in HIM, but damn, there are something’s that I believe I can handle myself.
At this point, I am letting out a big sigh, because this weekend, I was given another chance to trust God further, placing my hope in Him, laying it all at His feet. Then something beautiful happened, the girl next to me I couldn't help but notice was crying, shivering and shaking, earlier she had ask me to move up a seat, introduced herself, but candidly I wasn’t listening that much. Suddenly, I felt a prompting to give her a hug, she clung to me so tightly that I didn’t release my hold until she was ready. But the tears were still flowing, and I felt God nudge me to lay hands on her and we prayed. I threw every prayer I could at her, the emotions was so overwhelming that I didn't know realise I was also shaking and crying until I tasted my tears. It was like an out of the world experience, that evening something deep resonated within my soul like never before. As the service was coming to end, I quietly slipped out of church, ready for my dinner date with a long-time friend and my world felt alright.
Equally Sunday wasn’t just another day in London enjoying the lovely weather, it was a God amazing day, serving with my lovely team and staying planted in Christ as my pastor preached about HOPE, exactly what I needed to wrap up a very special weekend.
PRAYER FOR YOU
To whoever is reading this right now, my Prayer for You as the week goes on, is to flourish in your faith. I dare you to hope, believe and receive God’s love as I have done. Don’t reject the Grace He gives, I pray for strength for you to lay everything at His feet what come may and enjoy the season He has placed you in for now. In the words of Robert Madu (a sermon he preached),"every season has it beauty and it burden, but most of all, it prepares you for what is coming". Our God is a clever One, spring is the transition between the cold winter months and summer. In the winter, we look forward to the joys summer and at the heights of summer, we appreciate winter, then just to prepare us for another season, autumn creeps in.
You are Beautiful, Beloved & Believed In. Whatever that is holding you back, let it go!!!